Leaving a Legacy: You Need a Will!

Whether or not you think you have anything worth while, you 100% need a will!

When you die without a will the state dictates what happens with everything that's yours. Your family will be grieving for you, they don't need the added stress of having to fight the state over what happens to you and your things.

There are a lot of common misconceptions about what happens when you die like: if you die with a bunch of debt your family will be responsible for it: FALSE! It's a pretty simple formula, what you owe stands against what you own. Meaning if you have debt but own something, then that thing will be sold to meet that debt. However, if you don't own anything that's it, they can't try to collect from anyone in your family.

Now don't confuse what we're saying, just because legally they can't collect, doesn't mean they won't try! Some collector's will try but there's nothing they can do, it's the law. So think about your loved one's dealing with all this and then have the added complication of having to deal with the state because you have no will and your estate is all messed up!

Do your loved one's a favor and put things in order now, start with getting a simple will. We will give you a cheap specific way to get this done but we want you to know up front that we don't make a dime off of this endorsement. We simple are giving you this option as a help.

For a state specific will and even some other forms you might need, you can go to: http://www.uslegalforms.com/ and for about $30 get what you need (the basics).

This might not be something you want to think about as parents, but it's something that we must think about: death and what happens to our families. The best way for them to go through it is to make sure it's as easy as possible for them, that means have everything organized before you pass away. Make your intentions and wishes clear and have everything in order, also communicate these things with your family while your still alive.

This is one gift that they will be really grateful for when they are at a difficult time, so take care of it today!

What suggestions do you have for any parents out there as far as leaving a legacy? Let us know in the comments:

Leaving a Legacy: Part 1

Whether or not you want to think about it, we are all going to die (wow, that’s a morbid way to start a post!), it’s the truth.

For us as parents we have to think about what this will mean for our children. What will happen to your kids? Who will take care of them? How will that person be able to afford it financially? These questions and this topic is not something we can cover with this one blog post, so we would like the take the next several posts to dive into this subject. We would like to hopefully give you some helpful things to think about, but more importantly then that, to take some action. Look, if you take nothing else away from this whole blog, take this: words are cheap and won’t help anyone; we need you to take action!

So to start let’s go to the beginning: the foundation of leaving a legacy starts with finances.

We know there’s a lot more to it than that but none of it can get accomplished if there’s no money to do anything. In our society today we are taught the principle of live for now and not worry about the future, look our own government operates this way (how’s that working for them?). So the principle of saving for the future is a concept that is completely alien to most people, but as a parent it can’t be. Here’s the question: what do you want to leave your children, a mountain of debt or some money for them to get a jump start on their future? The answer has to be the latter because if you look at the way our government is going they won’t be able to depend on social security (what’s that?). So that means having a plan for your money now.

Now there are many ways to be smart with your money (budgeting, saving, investing) so we won’t get too specific. However we want to point out that without a plan all you’ll be doing is wondering around aimlessly.

• Start with the basics likes paying off your debt; don’t leave your kids a bunch of baggage.
• Next, start putting some money aside, either in a simple savings account or getting into something more complex like mutual funds or stocks. Like we said, we will leave that up to you to do the research and figure out what’s best for your family. The thing is we never know when we’re going to die so it’s important as parents for us to start implementing these things now!
• After you have the basic’s down it’s probably time to start thinking more long term. For our group we are all self-employed. Lately we have all been thinking about our legacy and each of us has decided that we want to leave our kids more than just money. We want to leave them business’s that have residual income. When we die we don’t want our significant others to have to worry about going out and finding a job and finding a reliable babysitter and all that. We want them to take over a business that is already set up and making money, then they can stay home and be with the kids through the difficult time of a loss. You can see exactly what two of us have started here:

 Chaka:  http://tinyurl.com/6hqczyb   Kimanzi: talesofwork.com

As we go through this series we will endeavor to give you some more specific things to look at and think about, this week we want you to sit down and look at your finances. Where can you make improvements to start putting money away? This might mean giving up on some of those things that you really enjoy like eating out or going to the movies. You might not be able to buy that newest I phone or new gadget. As a parent that’s what we signed up for, whether or not it was planned, your number one priority has to be your children and their future!

So looking at your situation right now, what will you leave your kids?

Real Parenting

There are some many different things for your kids to be involved with these days. There are after school programs, school, sports, Church youth groups, tutoring, mentors, Boys and Girl scouts, and the list could probably take the rest of this page. There is a great danger here that we want you to be aware of and that danger is putting your parenting on auto pilot!

These programs are meant to be a help to you, not to raise your kids! They will teach your kids different lessons and things that will help your children later in their lives, but you have to be the one to raise them. It's so easy to drop our children at these places and hope they teach them these things and you think you have the night, week, or month off because of what they learned. DON'T DO IT, IT'S WAY TO DANGEROUS!

You have to guide them with their morals, you have to take these lessons and "parent" them into your children. Your children were a gift and a responsibility for you, so take that responsibility serious and let them participate but make sure you are the parent, not anyone else!

So what has been your experience? You can leave a comment below:

Make sure you check out our new website: http://talesofwork.com/blog/

To Spank or not to Spank, that is the question?

We are in the middle of a series right now that is striving to give parents some practical everyday helps. Our last post we talked about the hot button topic of discipline. Here are the highlights:

       1.       Never discipline in anger.

2.       Have a cool off period (for your sanity)

3.       Always be consistent

4.       Show them unlimited love

If you follow the news, you may have heard about the out of control teens at our State Fair here in Wisconsin. This incident was a real life example of the need for strong parental discipline. Your kids will “follow” the crowd sometimes but if that discipline has been instilled in them, they would definitely not be involved in incidents like that, nor would they “hangout” with kids like them. Discipline is so important for the development of our children.

Today we would like to get specific, and judging by some of the hate mail that we have already gotten, I know some of you have been waiting for this. Today we would like to bring it together by leaving you with a couple of thoughts:

     1.  Both parents have to be involved with disciplining

 We don’t mean that both parents have to be physically there for the actual discipline (whatever method you choose), but both parents have to be a united front. Have you ever had it when you said no to something then your child went and asked the other parent? (Yes, you have, don’t lie) If your child does something that violates your rules, they have to know that they will be violated by BOTH parents! (That was a joke) There can’t be the “discipline” parent and the “non-discipline” parent that makes the other parent the bad guy (that’s not healthy for your kids to see). Sit down with your partner and agree on how you will handle discipline in your home and agree to always be consistent and support each other. If you’re a single parent, make sure your kids “know” what’s up.    

     2.       Methods of discipline     

So this is what some of you have been waiting for and the question that is on your mind: To spank or not to spank, that is the question (I should be a poet). First off, discipline is a decision that every parent must make on their own and for themselves. What we will tell you here is what we have seen from personal experience through disciplining a collective 9 children between us. We as a group believe in certain situations that you must spank your children (let the hate mail continue).

 You have many options when it comes to discipline and you choose the option that applies to whatever situation that you are in. You wouldn’t spank your kid for walking backwards would you? (Wow that was a completely random example) Take each situation on a case by case basis and here are a few ideas:

a.       Take away a valued item- do they have anything they can’t live without? Take away that I Pod or I Phone or whatever they love for a desired period of time. Just be careful, you don’t want them to poison your food (that was a joke)!

b.      There is the good old fashion grounding (remember that from when you younger?) No explanation here, just make sure to be consistent and to follow through. There’s nothing worse than empty threats.    

c.       Spanking. Many experts will tell you that “spanking teaches your children violence” or gives them low self-esteem or scares them, we don’t believe it. All four of us in the group have and do spank our children when it’s appropriate, and have found that it works for us. What works for you is a different story and we are not here to tell you what that is, we just know what we have done and it has worked for us.

 The key with spanking is to apply the principles from last week’s post (they are also listed above). If you approach spanking from a place of love and are in control of your emotions, then you’ll administer the appropriate amount of punishment. Again, sit down with your partner and see if this is right for your family. If you’re a single parent, than think long and hard, if you’re a Christian, then pray and ask the Lord to show you the answers.

 Besides the “methods” we hope you understand the importance of the message, you have to discipline your children consistently or else we’ll be seeing them on the news! If you want to send hate mail and want to find the email address, here it is: everydayparent@gmail.com we look forward to hearing your thoughts (if we don’t like them, we’ll track you down) that was a joke (maybe)!

 The things that happen to you at work also affect your home life which affects how you parent. Kimanzi talks about it specifically in his new book that is coming out: Tales of the Everyday Workingman and Woman. If you’ve enjoyed what we talk about in this blog, his new book will cover quite a few of these topics in more detail. Keep your ears open for his website in the next 2 weeks, the book will be out August 19, stayed tuned and be prepared to buy it!

The Right Kind of Discipline

We are in the middle of a series that is trying to give practical everyday helps to parents out there (wow, were great, right? That was a joke, laugh). Last post we laid the foundation by talking about getting organized, how’s that been working out for? (Were going to come and inspect your house, that’s another joke, laugh)

Today we would like to talk about disciplining your kids, a hot button topic. If you did a little research you’d find that the opinions on discipline and the effects of it are all over the map. Even as a group, we have a mix of different cultures and religions. However, we do agree on the proper approach to discipline.

We know the kind of hate mail we will get when we tell you our take on discipline, so we want to give you a disclaimer right away: What you do in your home is your business and your decision. If you think we are some wacko’s and you do things your way, then good for you. We won’t lose sleep over what you do, but since you’re reading OUR blog, you’re going to get OUR opinion! The bottom line is every parent has to do what’s right for their family, and this group or anyone else can’t tell you what that is. We would like to give you a few thought to think about and see if they can help your family.

    -Never discipline in anger!

This is one of the worst mistakes you can make when you’re disciplining your children. Part of the reason we have to discipline as parents is to impart punishment, notice we said PART of the reason. The main component of discipline is to teach our children a lesson that will hopefully keep them from continuing in the same behavior.

1.       When you discipline in anger, your children miss the lesson and only see your reaction to their behavior.

2.       When you discipline in anger, it’s hard for you to think clearly and focus on teaching the lesson.
3.       When you discipline in anger, without clear thought you run the risk of crossing over into child abuse.  

The point is to not discipline when you’re angry, it’s a formula for a major disaster! So what do you do then?

    -When a situation arises that requires discipline, have a cool off period.

Human nature will tell you to grab that kid and “show” him the error of his ways, avoid human nature! When the deed goes down, or when you find out about it, have some chill out time. What do we mean? Send the kid to his room and you go somewhere and cool off. Don’t just stand outside of their room, go for a walk, go sit out on the porch, go stick your head in your freezer (that was a joke). I don’t know what you need to do, just go somewhere and CALM DOWN! Like we said, this will keep you from crossing the line and doing something that you’ll regret, or will scar your kid for life!

    -When it comes to discipline, BE CONSISTENT!

I love my parents and I would be the first to tell you they did an amazing job (I'm a great person, no comment), but when it came to disciplining us, they were all over the place with their consistency. What do I mean? One day if we did a certain thing, we would get whooped (the old fashion way, Yeah!). However, if we did that same thing a week later, nothing would happen. Remember kids will try the same things again, they believe they'll get lucky this time (we can take care of their luck, right?) Your children should know where you stand on certain issues, and if they violate the rules, you’ll violate them. They should know this will happen every time, not just when you’re in a bad mood from work.

  -When you have to discipline, show them unlimited love!

Once you’ve had your cool off period, go to their room or the designated place and start the deed.

-          The Process: Start off by telling them you love them, this is an absolute must! They have to know that no matter what they do in life, you will always love them. Tell them that they broke the rules and that as in life when you break the rules, there are consequences. Do the deed (we’ll get specific with methods in a little bit, be patient, OK?). After you discipline them, grab them in your arms and just hold them. This is usually the time when they break down, so you just hold them and tell them that you love them. There is some powerful symbolism from this interaction. After they have calmed down and they have seen your love, let them know that if they break the rules again, you’ll have to repeat the process all over again every time!

They have to know that this isn’t an anger thing, this is a lesson for their future life experiences and the best way to deliver that lesson is through LOVE!

 Were sorry to disappoint some of you because we know what you’ve been waiting for: methods of discipline. If you want to see our take on it, you’re going to have to wait until next week’s post. On our next post we’ll taking about how to discipline as well as a few closing thoughts, make sure you come back!

The things that happen to you at work also affect your home life which affects how you parent. I talk about it specifically in my new book that is coming out: Tales of the Everyday Workingman and Woman.

If you’ve enjoyed what we talk about in this blog, my new book will cover quite a few of these topics in more detail. Keep your ears open for my website in the next 2 weeks, the book will be out mid-August, stayed tuned and be prepared to buy it!

Practical Every Day Helps: Getting Organized

We would like to dedicate the next several post to give parents out there some very practical every day helps, some things that you can really use in your parenting and life. As a parent I’m sure you would agree with the statement that any practical advice goes a long way, we’ll gladly accept any good ideas. For today’s post we would like to start at the beginning: Getting Organized

How does your home look?

Have you ever walked into your home after a hard day’s work and feel like you’re walking into a landfill? Maybe it may not be that extreme but right now think, how clean is your home? Getting organized starts with a clean home, you need somewhere to sit down and plan things out. It’s very hard and also distracting when you’re sitting there looking at yesterday’s dinner. If you’re too tired because of work, have the kids clean. What do they have to do, right? Be very specific with them and put them to work, be specific because you know they’ll side step tasks if they feel there’s some wiggly room. Now, think how nice it will be tomorrow to come home to a clean house, you’re already smiling aren’t you?

                        

Do you have a plan for your week?

When’s your son’s soccer game this week? What time does your daughter have her tennis lessons tomorrow? When are your husband and you going to that work function? Do you plan out your week or is it anything goes. Getting organized involves a purposeful plan. There are many tools that can help you with planning: Franklin, Daytimer, Phone Apps, and a regular old calendar and a pencil. Use one of these tools to lay everything out on paper and have a definite plan for your week. Look, were not sitting here telling you that you have to have everything single detail of your life planned, all were saying is that your life shouldn’t be organized chaos. If you don’t have a solid plan it with tickle down to your children, and as we always talk about, your children will learn from your example. If you need some help with organization and want some generic forms, get some at printfree.com.

How do your finances look?

We could write a whole book about finances, right? If we are disorganized here, it has the potential to really screw up our lives. Right, off the bat, we want to say that life is a little bit easier when you don’t have a lot of debt. As a group we all have committed to become debt free. There’s more freedom and a lot less stress when you have less debt. For the purposes of getting organized, do you have any clue of what’s going on with your finances? Do you have enough money but miss paying your bills on time because you don’t know what’s going on with your money? Is your check book balanced or do you have no clue of what’s what? We’re going to assume that anyone reading this has their stuff together, so it’s more about having a plan for where you want to ultimately end up with your money. We want to submit one idea that should help you get your finances organized: do a written budget every month. Just like uses resources to plan your week out, use a budget to plan your month out with your money. Most of us probably hate to sit there and write a budget out but from personal experience, when you do your going to feel like you’ve just gotten a raise. You never realize how much those little expenditures add up unless you see them on paper. Do you know where your money is going every month, just take one of your old bank statements out and you might be shocked! Go to smartaboutmoney.org to get free blank forms to start writing everything out each month.

Just a beginning       

Having everything laid out and planned out is just the start; it will help everything else run smooth. Get organized today, this will help you take control of your life a little better. It will be an example to our children for when they get older. You have enough stress and chaos in your life; don’t complicate things by not being organized!

Watch Out For Strangers!

There was an incident in our local news recently about an older guy trying to lure young kids with his dog. For what purpose, who knows or wants to know! With all the technology we have and with all the advancements in our society, this incident should remind us of a very basic principle: Know exactly where your kids are at all times!

William, one of the members of this parent blog, experienced this very situation yesterday. He went to a baseball game with his son, daughter, and some of their friends. While his son was playing, the girls went to play on a playground that was a little distance off. A little later the girls returned with a sheet of paper. Apparently some guy was going around to all the kids on the playground and said he was filming a movie, he said he liked the girls personality, HOW GROSS! Needless to say, William was a little (ALOT!) freaked out!

It can happen anywhere and at anytime. It doesn't matter what neighborhood you live in, there are creeps everywhere. The point is to always know what's up with your kids.

If they tell you they're going to a friends house, confirm it with that parent. If they want to play anywhere, make sure they're being monitored by you or someone you trust. Keep tabs on who they're taking to on the phone and who they're talking to on the Internet (if you let your kids on the Internet without the proper filters or safe guards, then you're crazy!), they could be talking to some creep and not even know it.

Let's all make a conscious effort this week to keep a closer eye on our children! If you don't, it's possible we could be hearing about them on the news! NO ONE WANTS THAT!