The Right Kind of Discipline

We are in the middle of a series that is trying to give practical everyday helps to parents out there (wow, were great, right? That was a joke, laugh). Last post we laid the foundation by talking about getting organized, how’s that been working out for? (Were going to come and inspect your house, that’s another joke, laugh)

Today we would like to talk about disciplining your kids, a hot button topic. If you did a little research you’d find that the opinions on discipline and the effects of it are all over the map. Even as a group, we have a mix of different cultures and religions. However, we do agree on the proper approach to discipline.

We know the kind of hate mail we will get when we tell you our take on discipline, so we want to give you a disclaimer right away: What you do in your home is your business and your decision. If you think we are some wacko’s and you do things your way, then good for you. We won’t lose sleep over what you do, but since you’re reading OUR blog, you’re going to get OUR opinion! The bottom line is every parent has to do what’s right for their family, and this group or anyone else can’t tell you what that is. We would like to give you a few thought to think about and see if they can help your family.

    -Never discipline in anger!

This is one of the worst mistakes you can make when you’re disciplining your children. Part of the reason we have to discipline as parents is to impart punishment, notice we said PART of the reason. The main component of discipline is to teach our children a lesson that will hopefully keep them from continuing in the same behavior.

1.       When you discipline in anger, your children miss the lesson and only see your reaction to their behavior.

2.       When you discipline in anger, it’s hard for you to think clearly and focus on teaching the lesson.
3.       When you discipline in anger, without clear thought you run the risk of crossing over into child abuse.  

The point is to not discipline when you’re angry, it’s a formula for a major disaster! So what do you do then?

    -When a situation arises that requires discipline, have a cool off period.

Human nature will tell you to grab that kid and “show” him the error of his ways, avoid human nature! When the deed goes down, or when you find out about it, have some chill out time. What do we mean? Send the kid to his room and you go somewhere and cool off. Don’t just stand outside of their room, go for a walk, go sit out on the porch, go stick your head in your freezer (that was a joke). I don’t know what you need to do, just go somewhere and CALM DOWN! Like we said, this will keep you from crossing the line and doing something that you’ll regret, or will scar your kid for life!

    -When it comes to discipline, BE CONSISTENT!

I love my parents and I would be the first to tell you they did an amazing job (I'm a great person, no comment), but when it came to disciplining us, they were all over the place with their consistency. What do I mean? One day if we did a certain thing, we would get whooped (the old fashion way, Yeah!). However, if we did that same thing a week later, nothing would happen. Remember kids will try the same things again, they believe they'll get lucky this time (we can take care of their luck, right?) Your children should know where you stand on certain issues, and if they violate the rules, you’ll violate them. They should know this will happen every time, not just when you’re in a bad mood from work.

  -When you have to discipline, show them unlimited love!

Once you’ve had your cool off period, go to their room or the designated place and start the deed.

-          The Process: Start off by telling them you love them, this is an absolute must! They have to know that no matter what they do in life, you will always love them. Tell them that they broke the rules and that as in life when you break the rules, there are consequences. Do the deed (we’ll get specific with methods in a little bit, be patient, OK?). After you discipline them, grab them in your arms and just hold them. This is usually the time when they break down, so you just hold them and tell them that you love them. There is some powerful symbolism from this interaction. After they have calmed down and they have seen your love, let them know that if they break the rules again, you’ll have to repeat the process all over again every time!

They have to know that this isn’t an anger thing, this is a lesson for their future life experiences and the best way to deliver that lesson is through LOVE!

 Were sorry to disappoint some of you because we know what you’ve been waiting for: methods of discipline. If you want to see our take on it, you’re going to have to wait until next week’s post. On our next post we’ll taking about how to discipline as well as a few closing thoughts, make sure you come back!

The things that happen to you at work also affect your home life which affects how you parent. I talk about it specifically in my new book that is coming out: Tales of the Everyday Workingman and Woman.

If you’ve enjoyed what we talk about in this blog, my new book will cover quite a few of these topics in more detail. Keep your ears open for my website in the next 2 weeks, the book will be out mid-August, stayed tuned and be prepared to buy it!