To Spank or not to Spank, that is the question?

We are in the middle of a series right now that is striving to give parents some practical everyday helps. Our last post we talked about the hot button topic of discipline. Here are the highlights:

       1.       Never discipline in anger.

2.       Have a cool off period (for your sanity)

3.       Always be consistent

4.       Show them unlimited love

If you follow the news, you may have heard about the out of control teens at our State Fair here in Wisconsin. This incident was a real life example of the need for strong parental discipline. Your kids will “follow” the crowd sometimes but if that discipline has been instilled in them, they would definitely not be involved in incidents like that, nor would they “hangout” with kids like them. Discipline is so important for the development of our children.

Today we would like to get specific, and judging by some of the hate mail that we have already gotten, I know some of you have been waiting for this. Today we would like to bring it together by leaving you with a couple of thoughts:

     1.  Both parents have to be involved with disciplining

 We don’t mean that both parents have to be physically there for the actual discipline (whatever method you choose), but both parents have to be a united front. Have you ever had it when you said no to something then your child went and asked the other parent? (Yes, you have, don’t lie) If your child does something that violates your rules, they have to know that they will be violated by BOTH parents! (That was a joke) There can’t be the “discipline” parent and the “non-discipline” parent that makes the other parent the bad guy (that’s not healthy for your kids to see). Sit down with your partner and agree on how you will handle discipline in your home and agree to always be consistent and support each other. If you’re a single parent, make sure your kids “know” what’s up.    

     2.       Methods of discipline     

So this is what some of you have been waiting for and the question that is on your mind: To spank or not to spank, that is the question (I should be a poet). First off, discipline is a decision that every parent must make on their own and for themselves. What we will tell you here is what we have seen from personal experience through disciplining a collective 9 children between us. We as a group believe in certain situations that you must spank your children (let the hate mail continue).

 You have many options when it comes to discipline and you choose the option that applies to whatever situation that you are in. You wouldn’t spank your kid for walking backwards would you? (Wow that was a completely random example) Take each situation on a case by case basis and here are a few ideas:

a.       Take away a valued item- do they have anything they can’t live without? Take away that I Pod or I Phone or whatever they love for a desired period of time. Just be careful, you don’t want them to poison your food (that was a joke)!

b.      There is the good old fashion grounding (remember that from when you younger?) No explanation here, just make sure to be consistent and to follow through. There’s nothing worse than empty threats.    

c.       Spanking. Many experts will tell you that “spanking teaches your children violence” or gives them low self-esteem or scares them, we don’t believe it. All four of us in the group have and do spank our children when it’s appropriate, and have found that it works for us. What works for you is a different story and we are not here to tell you what that is, we just know what we have done and it has worked for us.

 The key with spanking is to apply the principles from last week’s post (they are also listed above). If you approach spanking from a place of love and are in control of your emotions, then you’ll administer the appropriate amount of punishment. Again, sit down with your partner and see if this is right for your family. If you’re a single parent, than think long and hard, if you’re a Christian, then pray and ask the Lord to show you the answers.

 Besides the “methods” we hope you understand the importance of the message, you have to discipline your children consistently or else we’ll be seeing them on the news! If you want to send hate mail and want to find the email address, here it is: everydayparent@gmail.com we look forward to hearing your thoughts (if we don’t like them, we’ll track you down) that was a joke (maybe)!

 The things that happen to you at work also affect your home life which affects how you parent. Kimanzi talks about it specifically in his new book that is coming out: Tales of the Everyday Workingman and Woman. If you’ve enjoyed what we talk about in this blog, his new book will cover quite a few of these topics in more detail. Keep your ears open for his website in the next 2 weeks, the book will be out August 19, stayed tuned and be prepared to buy it!

The Right Kind of Discipline

We are in the middle of a series that is trying to give practical everyday helps to parents out there (wow, were great, right? That was a joke, laugh). Last post we laid the foundation by talking about getting organized, how’s that been working out for? (Were going to come and inspect your house, that’s another joke, laugh)

Today we would like to talk about disciplining your kids, a hot button topic. If you did a little research you’d find that the opinions on discipline and the effects of it are all over the map. Even as a group, we have a mix of different cultures and religions. However, we do agree on the proper approach to discipline.

We know the kind of hate mail we will get when we tell you our take on discipline, so we want to give you a disclaimer right away: What you do in your home is your business and your decision. If you think we are some wacko’s and you do things your way, then good for you. We won’t lose sleep over what you do, but since you’re reading OUR blog, you’re going to get OUR opinion! The bottom line is every parent has to do what’s right for their family, and this group or anyone else can’t tell you what that is. We would like to give you a few thought to think about and see if they can help your family.

    -Never discipline in anger!

This is one of the worst mistakes you can make when you’re disciplining your children. Part of the reason we have to discipline as parents is to impart punishment, notice we said PART of the reason. The main component of discipline is to teach our children a lesson that will hopefully keep them from continuing in the same behavior.

1.       When you discipline in anger, your children miss the lesson and only see your reaction to their behavior.

2.       When you discipline in anger, it’s hard for you to think clearly and focus on teaching the lesson.
3.       When you discipline in anger, without clear thought you run the risk of crossing over into child abuse.  

The point is to not discipline when you’re angry, it’s a formula for a major disaster! So what do you do then?

    -When a situation arises that requires discipline, have a cool off period.

Human nature will tell you to grab that kid and “show” him the error of his ways, avoid human nature! When the deed goes down, or when you find out about it, have some chill out time. What do we mean? Send the kid to his room and you go somewhere and cool off. Don’t just stand outside of their room, go for a walk, go sit out on the porch, go stick your head in your freezer (that was a joke). I don’t know what you need to do, just go somewhere and CALM DOWN! Like we said, this will keep you from crossing the line and doing something that you’ll regret, or will scar your kid for life!

    -When it comes to discipline, BE CONSISTENT!

I love my parents and I would be the first to tell you they did an amazing job (I'm a great person, no comment), but when it came to disciplining us, they were all over the place with their consistency. What do I mean? One day if we did a certain thing, we would get whooped (the old fashion way, Yeah!). However, if we did that same thing a week later, nothing would happen. Remember kids will try the same things again, they believe they'll get lucky this time (we can take care of their luck, right?) Your children should know where you stand on certain issues, and if they violate the rules, you’ll violate them. They should know this will happen every time, not just when you’re in a bad mood from work.

  -When you have to discipline, show them unlimited love!

Once you’ve had your cool off period, go to their room or the designated place and start the deed.

-          The Process: Start off by telling them you love them, this is an absolute must! They have to know that no matter what they do in life, you will always love them. Tell them that they broke the rules and that as in life when you break the rules, there are consequences. Do the deed (we’ll get specific with methods in a little bit, be patient, OK?). After you discipline them, grab them in your arms and just hold them. This is usually the time when they break down, so you just hold them and tell them that you love them. There is some powerful symbolism from this interaction. After they have calmed down and they have seen your love, let them know that if they break the rules again, you’ll have to repeat the process all over again every time!

They have to know that this isn’t an anger thing, this is a lesson for their future life experiences and the best way to deliver that lesson is through LOVE!

 Were sorry to disappoint some of you because we know what you’ve been waiting for: methods of discipline. If you want to see our take on it, you’re going to have to wait until next week’s post. On our next post we’ll taking about how to discipline as well as a few closing thoughts, make sure you come back!

The things that happen to you at work also affect your home life which affects how you parent. I talk about it specifically in my new book that is coming out: Tales of the Everyday Workingman and Woman.

If you’ve enjoyed what we talk about in this blog, my new book will cover quite a few of these topics in more detail. Keep your ears open for my website in the next 2 weeks, the book will be out mid-August, stayed tuned and be prepared to buy it!

Practical Every Day Helps: Getting Organized

We would like to dedicate the next several post to give parents out there some very practical every day helps, some things that you can really use in your parenting and life. As a parent I’m sure you would agree with the statement that any practical advice goes a long way, we’ll gladly accept any good ideas. For today’s post we would like to start at the beginning: Getting Organized

How does your home look?

Have you ever walked into your home after a hard day’s work and feel like you’re walking into a landfill? Maybe it may not be that extreme but right now think, how clean is your home? Getting organized starts with a clean home, you need somewhere to sit down and plan things out. It’s very hard and also distracting when you’re sitting there looking at yesterday’s dinner. If you’re too tired because of work, have the kids clean. What do they have to do, right? Be very specific with them and put them to work, be specific because you know they’ll side step tasks if they feel there’s some wiggly room. Now, think how nice it will be tomorrow to come home to a clean house, you’re already smiling aren’t you?

                        

Do you have a plan for your week?

When’s your son’s soccer game this week? What time does your daughter have her tennis lessons tomorrow? When are your husband and you going to that work function? Do you plan out your week or is it anything goes. Getting organized involves a purposeful plan. There are many tools that can help you with planning: Franklin, Daytimer, Phone Apps, and a regular old calendar and a pencil. Use one of these tools to lay everything out on paper and have a definite plan for your week. Look, were not sitting here telling you that you have to have everything single detail of your life planned, all were saying is that your life shouldn’t be organized chaos. If you don’t have a solid plan it with tickle down to your children, and as we always talk about, your children will learn from your example. If you need some help with organization and want some generic forms, get some at printfree.com.

How do your finances look?

We could write a whole book about finances, right? If we are disorganized here, it has the potential to really screw up our lives. Right, off the bat, we want to say that life is a little bit easier when you don’t have a lot of debt. As a group we all have committed to become debt free. There’s more freedom and a lot less stress when you have less debt. For the purposes of getting organized, do you have any clue of what’s going on with your finances? Do you have enough money but miss paying your bills on time because you don’t know what’s going on with your money? Is your check book balanced or do you have no clue of what’s what? We’re going to assume that anyone reading this has their stuff together, so it’s more about having a plan for where you want to ultimately end up with your money. We want to submit one idea that should help you get your finances organized: do a written budget every month. Just like uses resources to plan your week out, use a budget to plan your month out with your money. Most of us probably hate to sit there and write a budget out but from personal experience, when you do your going to feel like you’ve just gotten a raise. You never realize how much those little expenditures add up unless you see them on paper. Do you know where your money is going every month, just take one of your old bank statements out and you might be shocked! Go to smartaboutmoney.org to get free blank forms to start writing everything out each month.

Just a beginning       

Having everything laid out and planned out is just the start; it will help everything else run smooth. Get organized today, this will help you take control of your life a little better. It will be an example to our children for when they get older. You have enough stress and chaos in your life; don’t complicate things by not being organized!

Watch Out For Strangers!

There was an incident in our local news recently about an older guy trying to lure young kids with his dog. For what purpose, who knows or wants to know! With all the technology we have and with all the advancements in our society, this incident should remind us of a very basic principle: Know exactly where your kids are at all times!

William, one of the members of this parent blog, experienced this very situation yesterday. He went to a baseball game with his son, daughter, and some of their friends. While his son was playing, the girls went to play on a playground that was a little distance off. A little later the girls returned with a sheet of paper. Apparently some guy was going around to all the kids on the playground and said he was filming a movie, he said he liked the girls personality, HOW GROSS! Needless to say, William was a little (ALOT!) freaked out!

It can happen anywhere and at anytime. It doesn't matter what neighborhood you live in, there are creeps everywhere. The point is to always know what's up with your kids.

If they tell you they're going to a friends house, confirm it with that parent. If they want to play anywhere, make sure they're being monitored by you or someone you trust. Keep tabs on who they're taking to on the phone and who they're talking to on the Internet (if you let your kids on the Internet without the proper filters or safe guards, then you're crazy!), they could be talking to some creep and not even know it.

Let's all make a conscious effort this week to keep a closer eye on our children! If you don't, it's possible we could be hearing about them on the news! NO ONE WANTS THAT!

Does she dress like she's 13 or 30?

Modesty is something that is severely lost in our society today. As men it's hard for us to even go to the mall with out having to avert our eyes from seeing something that's completely inappropriate. Nowadays kids want to dress a lot older then they are, and their parents brush it off as a phase or something that's not a big deal. Guess what: IT IS A BIG DEAL! With the way our young girls dress nowadays it's no wonder why we have so many problems with our young boys. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOUR KIDS!

Here is some brand new information (it's really not): The way your kids dress is going to determine how they are treated. If your daughter is dressed way too mature, how do you think the boys will treat her? They are going to drop all kinds of shady lines based off of what they see her wearing (and they don't want to hang out with her at the library). Also, she will get approached by older guys, some guys legitimately might not realize her age, some creeps just wont care. Follow this logic: If she's dressed like a librarian would these same bums try to talk to her? The answer is no, they'll turn their attention to that girl that's dressed like she's 30.


We talked about the girls, how about your young boys? Are the cops going to arrest your son because he looks like one of the guys that just robbed the bank? Does he dress like he's in a fake rock band? Let's get serious, Is the way your young boy dressing keeping him from advancing in life? Is he at a job with no possibility of a promotion because of how he looks? Is he not getting any jobs because of how he looks? Does he get lumped in with the wrong crowd because of how he looks? We tend to focus on our young girls, but don't forget about making sure your boys look presentable.


Look we have given you some general things to think about, we'll be coming back with part two and getting specific. Let us just leave you with a question: Do your children dress modestly?

Parental Responsibility

A situation happened in our home town of Milwaukee just recently, you probably have seen it on the news and know exactly what were talking about. A bunch of out of control youths tore apart a gas station and hurt some innocent people. Here's the link: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&sqi=2&ved=0CBUQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.todaystmj4.com%2Fnews%2Flocal%2F124986519.html%3Fsort%3Dmost%2Bthumbs%2Bup%26action%3Dquotecomment%26cid%3D70308227%26page%3D9&ei=h24XTva9DaTu0gG9n4nDBQ&usg=AFQjCNHjiJHyQP2YZiYH_M5oUR8-bc2D0A&sig2=vmvRvJzUF2LjHBotKFZXZg

A surprising thing happened with this situation, one of the mothers of the group turned in her 2 children, imagine that! She explained to her kids that she loved them, and why she had to turn them in, could you do the same thing? As a group we have talked it over with mixed reactions, the truth is that it would be really difficult.

After talking about this incident, we learned a little lesson about parental responsibility, as a parent it's your job to raise your children the best way you know possible (which sometimes means some very tough choices). If your kids aren't behaving, it might mean you have to give them a little tough love.
Here's our question to you:What would you do in the same situation? 

Summertime- 3 Months of Growth or 1 Year of Failure

We want to start off by asking you a simple question: What are your kids doing this summer? We have all talked about our summer's growing up, and the prevalent thought was how we would spend most of that time when we were younger outside. What happened to kids going outside anymore? Nowadays kids spend most of their time indoors, with the explosion of technology it's rare for kids (especially older kids) to run and sweat it out outside playing. There are a few points we want to hit on that hopefully will help you and your children to have the best summer possible:

  1. Do everything in your power to make sure this is a time of growth for your children!
Your kids have off for the summer, that means at least 14 hour's of possible free time: What will they do with it? Get your kids involved in activities. Remember little league? What about soccer or swimming? There's so much to do, and these activities will burn some of that energy (way too much energy!) they have as well as keep them lean and fit. Think about what the alternative will do: playing video games and watching TV all day. These two things will bring that potbelly on pretty fast, as well as warp their mind and make them lazy. Get them involved in sports or a rec league or just let them go outside and go nuts. The weather is too beautiful right now for anyone to spend an extended amount of time indoors.  


  2. Watch what they do like a hawk!
Are your kids doing what they told you they are going to do? Who are they hanging out with? Is there any inappropriate boy/girl interactions going on? As their parent, you have to know what they are up to, do you remember what it's like to be their age? There are too many pitfalls that your children can fall through, especially the older kids. You have to know what they are doing, who they are doing it with, and where they are going to be at all times. It only takes one bad summer to ruin the rest of your child's life. Is that what you want for them? 

The reason we titled this post "Summertime- 3 Months of Growth or 1 Year of Failure" is because if they have a bad summer, it will follow them the rest of that year. If your kids are involved in activities, reading, writing, those things will sharpen their mind and tone them up physically. This can only help them at school. If they spend their whole summer with video games and TV, hanging out at the mall with deadbeats, this will hold them back once school starts again. Their minds won't be sharp or focused, they'll spend the whole first half of the school year trying to adjust. That can only lead to a downward spiral for the rest of the year. I guess if they get held back, that will give them a whole other year to focus on those video games!


Set your kids up for the best year they have ever had by keeping them active this summer. What other idea's do you have for a productive summer? You can leave your comments below: