Saturday, June 11, 2011
Can you be your children's best friend?
As a group, we have thoroughly discussed this, and if you don't read anything else read this: THE ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY NOT! The first thing you have to realize, is that when you think of a best friend, we didn't say good friend, a best friend is someone you can share everything with. You wouldn't tell your child about mature marital issues, would you? Or even if your not married, would you discuss relationship problems with your child? Some would read this and say yes I would, but the questions is how far would you go? If you would still say yes, there are serious parental issues that you should seek help for. A best friend is someone you can share all these things with and not have to worry about scaring them for life. Next, when you try and act like your child's best friend, you lose your authority with them. They see you as an equal, so when a situation arises that you have to be stern or discipline them for, they see their best friend talking to them and not their parent. Translation, they feel like it's something they can just ignore and not take serious. Your children should look at you as an example, a role model for their life, they also should view you as the hero of their life. When you are their best friend or try to act like one, all of that gets knocked down one peg and you become another one of their buddies. If you are already in this situation, start repairing and reversing that relationship today, if you need help or have questions, feel free to email us. You want to have such a great relationship with your child, that they feel comfortable enough to tell you anything and everything, but you don't want it to cross the line to a place where you lose any healthy fear and respect they have for you! This post brought to you by Kimanzi, William, Chaka, David
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI've seen this happen before. It's not good. The child ends up having no respect for the parents. It's always dangerous when the friend/parent roles to be blurred. No, being a child's best friend shouldn't be the goal of parenting. It can happen at different seasons/times in the parent/child relationship but it's definitely not the goal. On the flip side some parents are so authoritarian that they have no relationship with the kids. Other parents are just mean. Finding balance is key.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, I don't think parents should share everything with kids. Kids need a measure of security in their life. Things like money, relationships, etc shouldn't be something they have to worry about.
Ok, enough of my rambling. Keep up the good work guys - it's a crucial topic that all of us are working on!
I think that there is a balance to be had. The Lord is a friend that sticks closer than a brother...He called us His friend. The interesting thing is that He condescended without forfeiting His Lordship. I agree with Kimanzi above that you must maintain a relationship that leads our children to obey and honor their parents,but there is a precious friendship between a child and a parent that we should seek to cultivate just like our walk with the Lord, and our marriage.
ReplyDeleteThe key phrase in this blog is "best friend".There has to be a level of friendlike behavior between you and your children otherwise your a tyrant. Our main objective as parents should be to guide our kids on the path to becoming adults that respect not only others, but themselves as well and they're not going to listen to someone that wants to act like they do. It's not our job as parents to be cool.
ReplyDeleteMy mother disciplined me in such a way that I have a healthy respect/fear of her and she would always listen to what was wrong, or whatever I was going through and she never tried to befriend her children. For that I thank her.(single parent) For she gave me precious jewels (lessons) to share with my wife and kids......Chaka
ReplyDeleteI guess you have to ask yourself what's more important to you as a parent, to be a "best friend" or someone your kids see as a "hero" who they respect.
ReplyDelete