To Spank or not to Spank, that is the question?

We are in the middle of a series right now that is striving to give parents some practical everyday helps. Our last post we talked about the hot button topic of discipline. Here are the highlights:

       1.       Never discipline in anger.

2.       Have a cool off period (for your sanity)

3.       Always be consistent

4.       Show them unlimited love

If you follow the news, you may have heard about the out of control teens at our State Fair here in Wisconsin. This incident was a real life example of the need for strong parental discipline. Your kids will “follow” the crowd sometimes but if that discipline has been instilled in them, they would definitely not be involved in incidents like that, nor would they “hangout” with kids like them. Discipline is so important for the development of our children.

Today we would like to get specific, and judging by some of the hate mail that we have already gotten, I know some of you have been waiting for this. Today we would like to bring it together by leaving you with a couple of thoughts:

     1.  Both parents have to be involved with disciplining

 We don’t mean that both parents have to be physically there for the actual discipline (whatever method you choose), but both parents have to be a united front. Have you ever had it when you said no to something then your child went and asked the other parent? (Yes, you have, don’t lie) If your child does something that violates your rules, they have to know that they will be violated by BOTH parents! (That was a joke) There can’t be the “discipline” parent and the “non-discipline” parent that makes the other parent the bad guy (that’s not healthy for your kids to see). Sit down with your partner and agree on how you will handle discipline in your home and agree to always be consistent and support each other. If you’re a single parent, make sure your kids “know” what’s up.    

     2.       Methods of discipline     

So this is what some of you have been waiting for and the question that is on your mind: To spank or not to spank, that is the question (I should be a poet). First off, discipline is a decision that every parent must make on their own and for themselves. What we will tell you here is what we have seen from personal experience through disciplining a collective 9 children between us. We as a group believe in certain situations that you must spank your children (let the hate mail continue).

 You have many options when it comes to discipline and you choose the option that applies to whatever situation that you are in. You wouldn’t spank your kid for walking backwards would you? (Wow that was a completely random example) Take each situation on a case by case basis and here are a few ideas:

a.       Take away a valued item- do they have anything they can’t live without? Take away that I Pod or I Phone or whatever they love for a desired period of time. Just be careful, you don’t want them to poison your food (that was a joke)!

b.      There is the good old fashion grounding (remember that from when you younger?) No explanation here, just make sure to be consistent and to follow through. There’s nothing worse than empty threats.    

c.       Spanking. Many experts will tell you that “spanking teaches your children violence” or gives them low self-esteem or scares them, we don’t believe it. All four of us in the group have and do spank our children when it’s appropriate, and have found that it works for us. What works for you is a different story and we are not here to tell you what that is, we just know what we have done and it has worked for us.

 The key with spanking is to apply the principles from last week’s post (they are also listed above). If you approach spanking from a place of love and are in control of your emotions, then you’ll administer the appropriate amount of punishment. Again, sit down with your partner and see if this is right for your family. If you’re a single parent, than think long and hard, if you’re a Christian, then pray and ask the Lord to show you the answers.

 Besides the “methods” we hope you understand the importance of the message, you have to discipline your children consistently or else we’ll be seeing them on the news! If you want to send hate mail and want to find the email address, here it is: everydayparent@gmail.com we look forward to hearing your thoughts (if we don’t like them, we’ll track you down) that was a joke (maybe)!

 The things that happen to you at work also affect your home life which affects how you parent. Kimanzi talks about it specifically in his new book that is coming out: Tales of the Everyday Workingman and Woman. If you’ve enjoyed what we talk about in this blog, his new book will cover quite a few of these topics in more detail. Keep your ears open for his website in the next 2 weeks, the book will be out August 19, stayed tuned and be prepared to buy it!

The Right Kind of Discipline

We are in the middle of a series that is trying to give practical everyday helps to parents out there (wow, were great, right? That was a joke, laugh). Last post we laid the foundation by talking about getting organized, how’s that been working out for? (Were going to come and inspect your house, that’s another joke, laugh)

Today we would like to talk about disciplining your kids, a hot button topic. If you did a little research you’d find that the opinions on discipline and the effects of it are all over the map. Even as a group, we have a mix of different cultures and religions. However, we do agree on the proper approach to discipline.

We know the kind of hate mail we will get when we tell you our take on discipline, so we want to give you a disclaimer right away: What you do in your home is your business and your decision. If you think we are some wacko’s and you do things your way, then good for you. We won’t lose sleep over what you do, but since you’re reading OUR blog, you’re going to get OUR opinion! The bottom line is every parent has to do what’s right for their family, and this group or anyone else can’t tell you what that is. We would like to give you a few thought to think about and see if they can help your family.

    -Never discipline in anger!

This is one of the worst mistakes you can make when you’re disciplining your children. Part of the reason we have to discipline as parents is to impart punishment, notice we said PART of the reason. The main component of discipline is to teach our children a lesson that will hopefully keep them from continuing in the same behavior.

1.       When you discipline in anger, your children miss the lesson and only see your reaction to their behavior.

2.       When you discipline in anger, it’s hard for you to think clearly and focus on teaching the lesson.
3.       When you discipline in anger, without clear thought you run the risk of crossing over into child abuse.  

The point is to not discipline when you’re angry, it’s a formula for a major disaster! So what do you do then?

    -When a situation arises that requires discipline, have a cool off period.

Human nature will tell you to grab that kid and “show” him the error of his ways, avoid human nature! When the deed goes down, or when you find out about it, have some chill out time. What do we mean? Send the kid to his room and you go somewhere and cool off. Don’t just stand outside of their room, go for a walk, go sit out on the porch, go stick your head in your freezer (that was a joke). I don’t know what you need to do, just go somewhere and CALM DOWN! Like we said, this will keep you from crossing the line and doing something that you’ll regret, or will scar your kid for life!

    -When it comes to discipline, BE CONSISTENT!

I love my parents and I would be the first to tell you they did an amazing job (I'm a great person, no comment), but when it came to disciplining us, they were all over the place with their consistency. What do I mean? One day if we did a certain thing, we would get whooped (the old fashion way, Yeah!). However, if we did that same thing a week later, nothing would happen. Remember kids will try the same things again, they believe they'll get lucky this time (we can take care of their luck, right?) Your children should know where you stand on certain issues, and if they violate the rules, you’ll violate them. They should know this will happen every time, not just when you’re in a bad mood from work.

  -When you have to discipline, show them unlimited love!

Once you’ve had your cool off period, go to their room or the designated place and start the deed.

-          The Process: Start off by telling them you love them, this is an absolute must! They have to know that no matter what they do in life, you will always love them. Tell them that they broke the rules and that as in life when you break the rules, there are consequences. Do the deed (we’ll get specific with methods in a little bit, be patient, OK?). After you discipline them, grab them in your arms and just hold them. This is usually the time when they break down, so you just hold them and tell them that you love them. There is some powerful symbolism from this interaction. After they have calmed down and they have seen your love, let them know that if they break the rules again, you’ll have to repeat the process all over again every time!

They have to know that this isn’t an anger thing, this is a lesson for their future life experiences and the best way to deliver that lesson is through LOVE!

 Were sorry to disappoint some of you because we know what you’ve been waiting for: methods of discipline. If you want to see our take on it, you’re going to have to wait until next week’s post. On our next post we’ll taking about how to discipline as well as a few closing thoughts, make sure you come back!

The things that happen to you at work also affect your home life which affects how you parent. I talk about it specifically in my new book that is coming out: Tales of the Everyday Workingman and Woman.

If you’ve enjoyed what we talk about in this blog, my new book will cover quite a few of these topics in more detail. Keep your ears open for my website in the next 2 weeks, the book will be out mid-August, stayed tuned and be prepared to buy it!