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I'll Pay You To Be a Parent

Every time you think you've seen it all, something new pops up to surprise you and show you just how far we've sunk.

Recently a member of our group (William Haeflinger)  ran across an interesting article that shows just how foreign real parenting has become: http://tinyurl.com/684tra3. Two of the members of our group were appalled and my reaction was that I wasn't surprised. I had a few days to think about it and I now am appalled as well.

In our society we have become completely selfish, what do you mean? The idea of taking care of someone else besides ourselves is an inconvenience and requires too much work. We have no problem when it comes to doing the deed but we aren't willing to deal with the consequences, even when they arrive nine months later. All we live for is the pleasure.

Now don't get us wrong, not everyone is like this, there are some out there that still believe in traditional parenting, we tip our hats off to you! These parents are becoming few and far between when we have programs that pretty much pay dads to do what they're morally obligated to do.

We all know the problem, we have all probably seen examples in our life, so what do we do?

• We need to lead by example with our parenting- when our friends and family and even random strangers see us they should see what real parenting is. They should see disciplined kids that talk to their parent or parents with respect. Have you ever seen a kid acting out in the grocery store and want to discipline them yourself? They should see the "basics" of parenting being lived out through us their friend or family. Are you a good an example of real parenting?
• We need to help those that need help, not pay them- when you can see a single parent or a couple that you know who needs help, help them. We're not saying you go and raise their kids, but be there to help in areas you have experience with. We all need a little help every now and then, that's what this blog is about. Have you helped or given any advice lately?
• Help us get the word out- the word needs to be spread that there still are parents out there that don't need to be paid to do their job. We have this blog and some other things that we do but we need you to help us spread this message. Get involved by telling us your thoughts, tell your friends there are things on this blog that can help them.

We are in a war to be the best parents we can be despite everything else that is going on around us in this messed up world. We have gotten to the point where people are paid to be parents, what's next? Scary question isn't it?

What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments:

Basic Requirements

If you have ever done any kind of a job you know it’s hard to get the job done without the right tools. 

I think we forget that the same principle applies to parenting; there are some basic things that will help us “complete our job” of parenting. Children are a little more complicated than a job so these tools might not be as obvious, so today we would like to share a few tools that will help you in your parenting.

     ·         You need a jobe

You might read this and think it’s pretty obvious and shouldn’t be on this list; we have to tell you (from personal experience) that there are quite a few parents who don’t think this is necessary. More and more we see people who are content to live off of their state or the government with all the programs that are offered. We have had people tell us that they make more money on unemployment versus getting a lower paying job. On the surface it might sound like this makes more sense, but you have to remember how your kids will see this and what kind of unspoken lessons they’ll learn from seeing you do this. Plus you don’t want to be dependent upon anyone else to take care of you; it’s your job, not the states job to take care of your family. Get a job, so you can provide for your family, even if you’re a single parent, you still need to work it out were your providing.

     ·         You need benefits

All four of us are self-employed, so we know about this better than most. For the longest time all four of us didn’t even have basic health insurance, pretty sad I know. If you’re in this boat we’re not taking a shot at you, we know that health insurance is expensive. Even with what’s happening in our economy the health insurance that you get from a company you work for can be pricey. Even if you have to pick the higher deductible plan, you have to have some kind of basic health insurance. You never know when something major is going to happen, so if you have the higher deductible insurance, at least you’ll have some kind of basic coverage. Don’t get caught in a situation where some sort of major illness cripples your family physically and financially. Besides health insurance, have some life insurance (we have written a whole post about this) and some sort of retirement for the future. This is all easier said than done, but we have to find a way to make it work, these things are too important.

     ·         You need a stable home

I hope it doesn’t seem like we are throwing some big things at you, 30 years ago this use to be a normal way of life. We understand that certain situations in life come up that you weren’t expecting or planning for, that’s a given. What we are talking about is the things that you can plan for or have a plan for if they come up. Let’s start with:

1.       Where do you live, would we survive an afternoon at your place?

If you live in a place that dangerous for your kids to even play outside, is it worth it because of how cheap it is?

2.       Is there fighting or a lot of negative talk between you and your partner or anyone else living there?

Your kids see all this; they take mental notes, even when you think they aren’t listening. They get tense and might start messing up in other areas of their life because they’re walking around with all this “weight” on their shoulders.

3.       Is your home a safe zone, a place where they know their safe?

Your home should be their refuge against the rest of the world; they should get home and instantly feel happy. They shouldn’t want to always sleep over at their friends’ homes to get away from their home.

·         You need help

Parenting is a big, complicated, life-long task; you need as much help as you can get to get through it. How many parenting books have you read this year? How many friends do you go talk to about parenting help? How many times do you call your parents for help with things that you’re struggling with? I can’t stress how much we need help, more than that we can’t be afraid to ask for help. There are just things that we don’t know or aren’t good at, for those things we can’t be afraid to reach out for the help we need.

We have just tried to give you a few basic things that will help you in this crazy journey of parenting. There are a lot more that we could list and we would love for you to email us and give us a few ideas of some basic things that you would want us to cover.  This is the first step, reaching out and connecting with like-minded people who are trying to do the same things as you. This is all part of what we’ve been talking about, leaving a legacy.

So if you have read this and agree with what we're talking about, now what? It's actually pretty simple:

1. Get a job if you don't have one- we know in this economy it's easier said then done, but if you truly want something you'll go after it and get it. Don't wait around for people to give you anything, if nothings there, then create something. Can you cut grass? This might help you: http://talesofwork.com/blog/2011/08/how-do-you-find-a-job-you-love-2/
2. If you don't have benefits, save up to buy some- again it may not be easy, but it's your responsibility.
3. If you live in a bad neighborhood, when your lease is up move. If you're having problems with your spouse, get counseling.
4. If you need help, email us, talk to a friend or counselor. Talk to a Pastor, just get some help!

You have to win these battles and have these tools for your kids, they depend on you for them!
Check out what a few of us have been up to:

Kimanzi: talesofwork.com
Chaka: https://www.cdbaby.com/cd/cdillonel
David: http://stores.ebay.com/NOT-4-All-30

So what are some basic things you want to share? You can share them in the comments:

Leaving a Legacy: A Part Of You

In our series about leaving something for your children, we started with the foundation of finances.

Now that we have covered a few basic things as far as finances go we would like to start moving on. Today we would like to talk about what your children will remember and how they will live their lives based off of what they learned from you.

We are talking about the example of your actions, not just your words.

We're sure that you've heard the saying that actions speak louder than words, well if you have kids then you know better than most how true this is. We tell our kids to do this and not to do that but if they see us doing that and this, maybe not now, but at some point they will be doing that and this (what a tongue twister!). We have to remember that whether or not we wanted to become parents that once we did, we have a sacred responsibility to do what's right for them by putting them first.

We've got to be honest, this is hard. Human nature tells us to live for ourselves and do what we want to do, not put others first. We have to fight human nature and tell it to shut up, our kids come first. So if you want to do that certain thing that you know will be a bad example for your kids, then you have to say no and be a good example for them. Your kids are part of your legacy, if you have a bunch of gremlins, then when you're gone that's what you'll have left.

Here are a few tips to help you leave a part of you:

• If you don't want your kids doing it, don't do it yourself

This is pretty obvious based off of what we talked about in the opening of this post, the thing you have to watch out for is that even when you think your kids aren't watching, they're seeing everything. Have you ever had it when you thought you said something in private only to find out that your kids already know about it? Happens all the time, you never know when they're watching.

• Always try to teach them the "why" of what you're doing

Our human nature is always focused on the what and how, if you teach them the "why" they understand and follow the lessons. If you say you don't smoke and don't want them to smoke, show them why smoking is bad. Pretty simple, right?

• Always think about the long term affects, not just the here and now

It's so easy just to look and think about what's right in front of us but we have to look at the bigger picture. Short term gains could lead to long term harm, it's not worth it.

Like we said, it's hard to not always do what you want to do but the end result will be worth it. What kind of life do you want to lead? A life of pleasure now and teaching your children about that kind of life? They need you to lead them, teach them right and wrong by the example of how you live your life.

Any tips you would like to share? You can share them with all of us in the comments:

Leaving a Legacy: You Need a Will!

Whether or not you think you have anything worth while, you 100% need a will!

When you die without a will the state dictates what happens with everything that's yours. Your family will be grieving for you, they don't need the added stress of having to fight the state over what happens to you and your things.

There are a lot of common misconceptions about what happens when you die like: if you die with a bunch of debt your family will be responsible for it: FALSE! It's a pretty simple formula, what you owe stands against what you own. Meaning if you have debt but own something, then that thing will be sold to meet that debt. However, if you don't own anything that's it, they can't try to collect from anyone in your family.

Now don't confuse what we're saying, just because legally they can't collect, doesn't mean they won't try! Some collector's will try but there's nothing they can do, it's the law. So think about your loved one's dealing with all this and then have the added complication of having to deal with the state because you have no will and your estate is all messed up!

Do your loved one's a favor and put things in order now, start with getting a simple will. We will give you a cheap specific way to get this done but we want you to know up front that we don't make a dime off of this endorsement. We simple are giving you this option as a help.

For a state specific will and even some other forms you might need, you can go to: http://www.uslegalforms.com/ and for about $30 get what you need (the basics).

This might not be something you want to think about as parents, but it's something that we must think about: death and what happens to our families. The best way for them to go through it is to make sure it's as easy as possible for them, that means have everything organized before you pass away. Make your intentions and wishes clear and have everything in order, also communicate these things with your family while your still alive.

This is one gift that they will be really grateful for when they are at a difficult time, so take care of it today!

What suggestions do you have for any parents out there as far as leaving a legacy? Let us know in the comments:

Leaving a Legacy: Part 1

Whether or not you want to think about it, we are all going to die (wow, that’s a morbid way to start a post!), it’s the truth.

For us as parents we have to think about what this will mean for our children. What will happen to your kids? Who will take care of them? How will that person be able to afford it financially? These questions and this topic is not something we can cover with this one blog post, so we would like the take the next several posts to dive into this subject. We would like to hopefully give you some helpful things to think about, but more importantly then that, to take some action. Look, if you take nothing else away from this whole blog, take this: words are cheap and won’t help anyone; we need you to take action!

So to start let’s go to the beginning: the foundation of leaving a legacy starts with finances.

We know there’s a lot more to it than that but none of it can get accomplished if there’s no money to do anything. In our society today we are taught the principle of live for now and not worry about the future, look our own government operates this way (how’s that working for them?). So the principle of saving for the future is a concept that is completely alien to most people, but as a parent it can’t be. Here’s the question: what do you want to leave your children, a mountain of debt or some money for them to get a jump start on their future? The answer has to be the latter because if you look at the way our government is going they won’t be able to depend on social security (what’s that?). So that means having a plan for your money now.

Now there are many ways to be smart with your money (budgeting, saving, investing) so we won’t get too specific. However we want to point out that without a plan all you’ll be doing is wondering around aimlessly.

• Start with the basics likes paying off your debt; don’t leave your kids a bunch of baggage.
• Next, start putting some money aside, either in a simple savings account or getting into something more complex like mutual funds or stocks. Like we said, we will leave that up to you to do the research and figure out what’s best for your family. The thing is we never know when we’re going to die so it’s important as parents for us to start implementing these things now!
• After you have the basic’s down it’s probably time to start thinking more long term. For our group we are all self-employed. Lately we have all been thinking about our legacy and each of us has decided that we want to leave our kids more than just money. We want to leave them business’s that have residual income. When we die we don’t want our significant others to have to worry about going out and finding a job and finding a reliable babysitter and all that. We want them to take over a business that is already set up and making money, then they can stay home and be with the kids through the difficult time of a loss. You can see exactly what two of us have started here:

 Chaka:  http://tinyurl.com/6hqczyb   Kimanzi: talesofwork.com

As we go through this series we will endeavor to give you some more specific things to look at and think about, this week we want you to sit down and look at your finances. Where can you make improvements to start putting money away? This might mean giving up on some of those things that you really enjoy like eating out or going to the movies. You might not be able to buy that newest I phone or new gadget. As a parent that’s what we signed up for, whether or not it was planned, your number one priority has to be your children and their future!

So looking at your situation right now, what will you leave your kids?

Real Parenting

There are some many different things for your kids to be involved with these days. There are after school programs, school, sports, Church youth groups, tutoring, mentors, Boys and Girl scouts, and the list could probably take the rest of this page. There is a great danger here that we want you to be aware of and that danger is putting your parenting on auto pilot!

These programs are meant to be a help to you, not to raise your kids! They will teach your kids different lessons and things that will help your children later in their lives, but you have to be the one to raise them. It's so easy to drop our children at these places and hope they teach them these things and you think you have the night, week, or month off because of what they learned. DON'T DO IT, IT'S WAY TO DANGEROUS!

You have to guide them with their morals, you have to take these lessons and "parent" them into your children. Your children were a gift and a responsibility for you, so take that responsibility serious and let them participate but make sure you are the parent, not anyone else!

So what has been your experience? You can leave a comment below:

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